Dear Ask Tina,
Help! I need some firm rules for writing my memoir. I like structure in all facets of my life, and lately, the lack of rules seems to be keeping me stuck in a rut. I try to stick to a format, but I seem to go on long tangents that aren’t really related to what I’m trying to write about. What are some of the golden rules of memoir writing?
Signed,
Rule Follower
Dear Rule Follower,
I will resist the urge to say “Rules Schmools!” After all, the intentional breaking of rules might just be what puts the creative in creative writing. But I do understand that structure, and some tried-and-true guidelines might help provide a space for your creativity to flourish, so here goes.
In terms of structure, book inc espouses the Save the Cat method, credited to Blake Snyder. By dividing any genre (screenplay, memoir, novel) into three acts, each mapped out with “beats,” Snyder’s model provides a good foundation for a story arc. Most popular novels and movies follow this structure – think damsel in distress finally saves herself, but along the way she has lots of ups and downs and adventures. There are many Save the Cat books and workbooks on the market, as well as downloadable charts and graphs that will surely delight those who like to follow the rules.
There are also some helpful memoir guidelines derived from the hard-won wisdom of successful authors, such as my favorites, Mary Karr, Marion Roach-Smith, and Dani Shapiro, to name a few. Here are some for the taking.
- While journaling during a difficult period of your life may be fruitful, avoid writing about significant events until a year or more has passed. Some insist on a seven-year wait! The theory is that time gives perspective and insight. Writing in the heat of the moment may not yield your best work.
- Remember that while memoir may be excruciatingly personal, you must appeal to the universal. Though you may think your divorce was the worst on the planet, for example, the gritty details of who-did-what-to-whom of your particular story is less important to the reader than the overall theme of divorce. Focus less on chronology of events and more on the transformation, the survival aspect. Readers need to relate.
- Focus on one small thread of your life, not your whole life story. Think snippet, not autobiography. And then go deep into that snippet, really deep. This snippet idea may be the most difficult since our lives are messy and our issues seem impossibly interconnected. Keep culling.
- Accept accountability. Don’t make yourself out to be an angel, and try not to suggest your transformation is a one-and-done. Admit that you are complicated and that life is a roller coaster. For more about truth-telling in memoir, see an earlier Ask Tina: How Much Truth Should You Tell in Memoir.
- And of course, time permitting, read memoirs, specifically those that touch upon your universal theme. Doing so can be inspirational and instructional.
Of course, Rule Follower, there are myriad rules about writing and many different methods for structure to explore, but I think you’d do better to glean them directly from the masters than from me. When I’m stuck, I read and reread the following three books:
- Karr, M. (2015). The Art of Memoir. HarperCollins.
- Roach Smith, M. (2011). The Memoir Project: A Thoroughly Non-Standardized Text for Writing & Life. Grand Central Publishing.
- Shapiro, D. (2013). Still Writing: The Perils and Pleasures of a Creative Life. Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
I can also personally recommend at least one memoir program which will offer hands-on help with structure, book inc’s year-long Memoir Incubator. Not only does it provide structure for your memoir, but it also provides a structure for the writing process itself. There’s a program for novel writers as well.
My last two cents for writing (and maybe for life): follow the important rules … but figure out which ones are meant to be broken and have some fun!