Dear Tina,

I’ve been lucky to connect with some great writing friends in the past few years, and I know the value of getting feedback from others on my drafts. Still, I rarely share my work with others. Sometimes I feel self-conscious, thinking it’s not polished enough yet. Other times, I worry I’ll get feedback that will steer me down a rabbit hole and not be that useful to my own vision for the piece. Do you have advice for knowing when and how to share work in a way that makes the end product better?

Signed,

Shy Sharer

Dear Shy, 

There are a lot of moving parts to your excellent question, so I’ll start with the last bit: HOW to share work in a way that makes the end product better. Then we’ll get to the WHEN and with WHOM parts. 

Many moons ago, I read the work of educators Neil Postman and Charles Weingartner, and my favorite line may be helpful for you, too: “Once you have learned to ask questions—relevant and appropriate and substantial questions—you have learned how to learn and no one can keep you from learning whatever you want or need to know” (38).

To sum it up in the context of seeking feedback: ask the right questions, and you will likely get the answers that will steer you in the right direction. Most of us simply hand over our work with trepidation and ask the reader what they think, an approach which garners well-intentioned but relatively useless feedback such as, “It’s great!” 

So the key is to ask a limited number of specific questions when you turn over your manuscript for feedback. For example, “Do my characters seem believable? Why or why not?” or “Did you feel confused at any point? If so, where?”, “Does the pace seem appropriate?”, or “Does the ending feel genuine?”

Trust me, the reader will be relieved to have these guideposts. Feedback is just as hard to give as it is to receive. By limiting your questions, the reader will be less likely to feel they need to comment on everything. Don’t worry, for each round of feedback you seek, you will undoubtedly have new questions that will help guide your subsequent revisions. 

Now, about this fear of handing over unpolished work … because writing is meant to be read, all writers need another set of eyes, and waiting until you feel a piece is polished may be too late. Polish comes last—just before publication—the icing on the proverbial cake. To get the piece to publication, you will need to share it many times first. There is no set answer as to when it’s ready to share. You’ll know, but consider waiting until you have a full first draft or have gone over what you do have so many times that you are sick of looking at it. Then, when it is out for feedback, you can take a well-deserved break and return with feedback and a fresh set of eyes. 

Now, crafting all the best questions in the world may still not provide useful feedback if you are not asking the right people, and by right I mean your people. Let’s face it, beyond grammar and mechanics, the art of writing is subjective. One person’s magnum opus might be lingering on someone else’s nightstand unread for years. So how do you know whose feedback to seek and trust?

Writing communities can be helpful, but there is no guarantee that all the members of the group will be gifted at feedback. More importantly, not every reader will be your target audience. If possible, you want to suss out who your optimal reader might be – age, gender, demographic – and approach people who fit the bill. A big bonus if they are prolific readers of the genre you are writing. 

Much like the early days of nursery school or college, it takes a while to form your tribe. Fortunately, it sounds like you have already found some helpful writing friends. Can you think of one person in particular whom you might want to reach out to and create an exchange program of sorts? I say one because when it comes to feedback, less may actually be more. One or two writing friends with whom you feel comfortable sharing your work may be more helpful than sharing with too many people. 

Of course, even when sharing with a trusted reader, you may still experience some low-level anxiety. You are not alone in this feeling. There’s something about sharing our writing that feels like walking naked down a crowded street. It’s akin to inviting someone into your heart and brain. It can feel scary there. If you’re like me, as soon as you hit send, you’ll notice all kinds of typos, and then you’ll reread it and wonder why you ever thought it was any good to begin with. Don’t be like me. See if you can quiet that part of you. 

Find your tribe, Shy Sharer, craft specific questions, hit send, and take a deep breath. I’ve never met anyone who loves to share their work, but as you know, it is a necessary part of the writing process. Soon, you may be sharing it with the world! 

Ready to put Tina’s advice into practice? In book inc’s Book Revision Lab, writers with a completed memoir or novel draft learn how to give and receive effective feedback, exchange manuscripts in small reading groups, and turn that feedback into a clear revision plan. Our 2027 cohort begins Thursday, March 11. Apply at bookinc.org or email bookinc@projectwritenow.org with questions.

Do you have a writing-related dilemma? Send your questions to asktina@projectwritenow.org. Selected questions will be featured in upcoming columns, and Tina will ensure her answers offer valuable insights for writers facing similar challenges.

Reference

• Postman, Neil, and Charles Weingartner. Teaching as a Subversive Activity. Delacorte Press, 1969.