Dear Tina,

I spend a lot of time helping other writers develop their writing projects, and I genuinely love that work. I teach, critique, talk through structure, help writers see what their pages are doing, and encourage them through the hard parts. It’s meaningful work, and I believe in it.

But lately, I’m realizing I feel burned out. By the time I sit down with my own manuscript, I feel emptied out. I’ve spent the clearest, most generous part of my creative brain on other people’s pages, and then when I turn back to my own work, there’s not much left. 

I don’t want to pull away from the writing community or resent work that I actually care about. But I also don’t want my own book to become the thing that only gets whatever energy survives at the end of the day … if there’s any.

How do you keep giving to other writers without burning out or losing touch with your own writing life?

Sincerely,

Creatively Burned Out

Dear Burned Out,

You have touched on the most insidious and socially accepted of all the writing resistance tactics: helping others! Helping others is noble and can even help your own writing practice; after all, “they” say the best way to learn is to teach. By helping others hone their craft, you are, by default, strengthening your own writing. That’s lovely and may be true; however, it doesn’t offer any practical strategies for achieving balance. 

Since I suffer from the same resistance malady of over-helping, I can’t really walk the walk here. Luckily, I can turn to others much wiser for direction. Here’s what all the “writers-who-have-it-figured-out” have to say:

Do Unto Self as You Do to Others

Pretend you are your own student or friend who has asked for your help every day between 9-11 a.m. or 5-6 p.m., and give yourself the same time and attention you’d give to them! Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, suggests writing three pages every morning as soon as you get out of bed. (I know … you might have whining dogs, tween-agers, or crying babies to attend to!) Author George Saunders also writes in the morning before his teaching and grading duties beckon. If morning isn’t your finest hour, choose a different time (lunchtime, before bed, during 3 am cortisol spikes). Most writers have a set time period where they focus only on their own writing. Set a time, block it out on your calendar, and get to it. 

Pick a Special Place

Consider writing in a new location and keep that location free from your other writing-related obligations. Turn off pesky notifications and try not to use the Internet if you can avoid it. If you need ideas for places to go, Instagram is filled with them: the chic coffee shop, the world’s cutest library, local parks  you get the idea. You might look into nearby coworking spaces or office-share situations. If that doesn’t fit in with your lifestyle, consider creating a special designated writing space in your home.  

Pick a Lifeline

Sign up for a daily or weekly drop-in writing session, such as Morning Pages or Lunchtime Write-In offered by Project Write Now. There’s no agenda or sharing. You just write for an hour,  Zoom humming in the background, while other writers, cameras off, pursue their craft. It’s a low-risk form of accountability to self. You might also consider joining a longer writing program or workshop. I find my best work comes with a deadline. If I have to share an essay draft on a given date, I always find time to write, and my muse seems happy to meet me there. 

Process Not Perfection

Sometimes the reason we focus on others’ writing is that it’s easier to critique others than ourselves. We demand perfection of ourselves that we would never put on others. For that reason, we think we must have a long block of time to produce our best work right out of the gate. We convince ourselves that stealing an hour or two here and there couldn’t possibly result in the next great American novel. But what if it did? Put your self-critical brain on hold, focus on the process, and the product may take care of itself.

Revisit Resentment

I couldn’t help but notice you use the magic word “resent” in your question, noting you don’t want to “resent work that you actually care about.” Such a sneaky bugger, resentment. We think another person causes it, that the Universe has conspired against us, and that something is being done to us that we are powerless to stop. Sigh. It ain’t. It may start out that waysometimes a person takes advantage of our time, talent and generosity –  but when we allow it to continue to our own detriment, we are usually resenting our own lack of boundaries. You might want to read an earlier Ask Tina column on a related topic, “Setting Boundaries While Helping Others.” 

There’s another thing “they” say: boundaries can be the best way to love and honor others as well as ourselves. So maybe the advice offered above is all backward! Instead of setting a time for your own writing, you might start by putting a clear limit on the time you devote to helping others; maybe instead of creating a writing space, you can find a distinct space devoted to helping others and save your favorite spot for your own writing! 

Whatever you do, I sense you have a nurturing side, and it is a beautiful thing to share your time and talent. Maybe when you begin to fully nurture your own writing practice, you’ll actually have renewed energy to give to others. 

Do you have a writing-related dilemma? Send your questions to asktina@projectwritenow.org. Selected questions will be featured in upcoming columns, and Tina will ensure her answers offer valuable insights for writers facing similar challenges.