Dear Tina,

I write a weekly Substack, and right now I’m promoting my forthcoming book. Pretty often, a friend or colleague will send me a private email or text about something in my newsletter that touched them. I’m genuinely grateful for these notes. They keep me writing.

Here’s my dilemma. Those same kind words would help me so much more if they landed publicly. A like, a comment, a restack, a quick review. Engagement feeds the algorithm, builds visibility, and signals to strangers that the work is worth their time. A private text, lovely as it is, does none of that.

So how do I ask the people who already love what I do to show it where it counts, without sounding ungrateful for the gesture they already made or like I’m running a one-woman pledge drive? I don’t want to turn every heartfelt message into a transaction. But I also can’t pretend the public support wouldn’t make a real difference, especially with a book on the way.

How do I make the ask without making it weird?

Signed, Grateful but Greedy for Engagement

Dear Grateful,

Congratulations on your book! I’ll assume it took quite a bit of grit, determination and self-promotion to get it into the hands of a publisher. Those same traits apply to this situation, too. 

I have this theory that if we hang around with people who have a trait we admire but don’t possess, that trait will magically rub off on us. So is the case with one of my dear friends. Among her many admirable traits, her consistent ability to be direct in her communication fascinates me. There is no “I hate to ask this” or “it may be silly but” prefacing her sentences. I try hard to emulate her and find that directness always wins. Not only will you feel better by being direct, but the recipient also will, because there is no innuendo to dance around. 

So, I will pass this trait along to you: just ask them! I would like to think most people WANT to be helpful to you. By asking them to make their comments public, you may find they are quite happy to have a concrete way to support you. If they are uncomfortable doing so—and that is valid in an age where online comments are often met with vitriol—then that is their job to tell you (or just not do it). If you don’t ask, how will they know?

Remember, while you are becoming well-schooled in the social media promotion business of writing, your readers, friends, supporters may not be—especially if they are … ahem … of a certain age. By letting them know how much you value online comments and sharing, you are helping them navigate the digital age. 

And speaking of comments that may be met with vitriol, here goes: try to think like a man. The fear of coming across as “greedy” or a “one-woman pledge drive” may be a conditioned response to socialization as a woman. There, I said it, sexist as it may be. Based on my 59 years of completely unscientific and highly selective, anecdotal evidence, I’d say more men than women feel comfortable with self-promotion. If not, maybe they are better at acting “as if.” 

Lastly, I have a ceramic sign hanging on my wall that sums it up. It reads: Desire, Ask, Believe, Receive. I love it so much, I might run back into the house to save it during a fire. I suspect you’ve lived by that credo, and it has obviously panned out for you. Keep at it, especially the “ask” part! You are already living proof that it works.

Do you have a writing-related dilemma? Send your questions to asktina@projectwritenow.org. Selected questions will be featured in upcoming columns, and Tina will ensure her answers offer valuable insights for writers facing similar challenges.